The Ronald Reagan Legacy project
Did you hear about this conservative project to name stuff after Ronald Reagan? There’s this goofy motherfucker named Grover Norquist who says that he doesn’t want to get rid of the government, just make it small enough that he can drown it in a bathtub. Anyway, when he’s not laundering money for Jack Abromoff, his big project is to get stuff named after Ronald Reagan, so that it looks like normal Americans actually think he was a competent president and spontaneously name shit after him.
So anyway, as part of this project I have decided to name the ridge between my scrotum and anus after Ronald Reagan.
Now this causes a slight problem. If someone mentions Ronald Reagan, how do you know if they are referring to Ronald Reagan the politician or Ronald Reagan the ridge between my scrotum and anus? When a word has more than one meaning, we use context to determine the intended meaning. However, this can be surprisingly difficult in the case of Ronald Reagan.
For example, the other day I heard someone say, “Ronald Reagan was a great president.” Now, Ronald Reagan the person was a president, but I can hardly imagine anyone calling him a great president, unless they had smoked an unusually large amount of crack. Now as it turns out the ridge between my scrotum and anus has never been the president of the Unitied States or any other nation for that matter. Furthermore, it probably never will be due to the importance of image and charisma in politics. However, if it were president, I believe it would lead America in wise direction, and with more courage and dignity than any president our great nation has ever known. So I determined that he was in fact referring to the ridge between my anus and scrotum.
A more difficult case would be someone saying, “Ronald Reagan is smelly, disgusting, and completely revolting. If you rub him on my face again, I will never see you again.” Tricky. But notice that the speaker said “him.” Strictly speaking only Ronald Reagan the president has a gender. Therefore, the context informs us that it is that Ronald Reagan who is being spoken of.
So remember. Before you accuse me of being a left-wing ideologue, keep in mind that I have participated it a decidedly right-wing cause. My decision to name the ridge between my anus and scrotum after Ronald Reagan shows that I am balanced person who carefully examines all perspectives on an issue.
posted by Joe @ 6:56 PM
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