Join the Church of Joe!
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but I’ll make it worthwhile. I'm going to give readers of my blog the oppurtunity to join my new religion, the Church of Joe. Religion is a great business! And since I do have a monopoly on the truth, you'd be fool not to join my religion.Whereas many religions demand 10% of your income, the Church of Joe only requires 9%! That’s why at the Church of Joe we say “Get your greater reward at a great price!”
There are many other reasons why my religion is clearly the best. Allow me to run down the list. Since I’m old school, I won’t name my competitors by name. That’s gauche.Some religions:
Require you to go to services early on Sunday morning, when you probably have a hangover.
In the Church of Joe:
You can come over to my apartment and worship whenever you feel like it.
Some religions:
Promise you 72 virgins when you die, if you follow a bunch of stupid-ass rules.
In the Church of Joe:
You get 72 women who fuck like porn stars when you die, if you give me 9% of your income.
Some religions:
Forbid drinking.
In the Church of Joe:
Drinking is allowed if you share your booze with me.
Some religions:
Expect you to believe because of faith.
In the Church of Joe:
Proof of my divinity is offered to select female worshippers.
Some religions:
The clergy fuck your children.
In the Church of Joe:
I fuck your wife.
Some religions:
Only allow abortions in the case that the mother’s life is in danger.
In the Church of Joe:
Abortion is only allowed in the case that the child will be raised by Christian fundamentalists.
Some religions:
Teach that non-adherents burn in hell forever.
In the Church of Joe:
Non-adherents burn in hell forever.So What are you waiting for Join today!
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By the way, is there any difference between a cult and these "megachruches" we've been hearing so much about?
posted by Joe @ 7:57 PM
1 comments
