Joe is a hot dude

Join the Church of Joe!

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but I’ll make it worthwhile. I'm going to give readers of my blog the oppurtunity to join my new religion, the Church of Joe. Religion is a great business! And since I do have a monopoly on the truth, you'd be fool not to join my religion.

Whereas many religions demand 10% of your income, the Church of Joe only requires 9%! That’s why at the Church of Joe we say “Get your greater reward at a great price!”

There are many other reasons why my religion is clearly the best. Allow me to run down the list. Since I’m old school, I won’t name my competitors by name. That’s gauche.

Some religions:

Require you to go to services early on Sunday morning, when you probably have a hangover.

In the Church of Joe:

You can come over to my apartment and worship whenever you feel like it.

Some religions:

Promise you 72 virgins when you die, if you follow a bunch of stupid-ass rules.

In the Church of Joe:

You get 72 women who fuck like porn stars when you die, if you give me 9% of your income.

Some religions:

Forbid drinking.

In the Church of Joe:

Drinking is allowed if you share your booze with me.

Some religions:

Expect you to believe because of faith.

In the Church of Joe:

Proof of my divinity is offered to select female worshippers.

Some religions:

The clergy fuck your children.

In the Church of Joe:

I fuck your wife.

Some religions:

Only allow abortions in the case that the mother’s life is in danger.

In the Church of Joe:

Abortion is only allowed in the case that the child will be raised by Christian fundamentalists.

Some religions:

Teach that non-adherents burn in hell forever.

In the Church of Joe:

Non-adherents burn in hell forever.

So What are you waiting for Join today!


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By the way, is there any difference between a cult and these "megachruches" we've been hearing so much about?

posted by Joe @ 7:57 PM