It's been a while
I don't know if I still have any readers (or if I ever did). But I have a couple of items for you. Actually, I understand my most regular reader is my aunt, who is a very proper special education teacher who lives in the south and never uses curse words. So presumably everything I’ve written is for my aunt. As a special ed teacher she deserves to be entertained, so I shall keep up my writing.
This is priceless. Jim Kenefick, who runs moorewatch.com and whose life revolves around criticizing Michael Moore, couldn't pay for his wife's cancer treatment (presumably because he's to lazy to make enough money). Anyway, an anonymous benefactor offered to pay the bill for him and Kenefick said it was like manna from heaven.
I probably don’t need to complete the story for you, but it turned out that the money came from Michael Moore. Kenefick is outraged that Moore helped when his conservative buddies refused. I’ve been reading this guy’s site and he is just going ape shit. It is hilarious. He said that the $12,000 gift equals Mike’s ding-dong budget for a week. I guess good old-fashioned compassion ain’t gonna win over everyone.
While we’re talking about healthcare, I wanted to take the opportunity to work in an immature joke about something. As you might be aware, direct-to-consumer advertising of prescription drugs is legal in two industrialized countries; the U.S. and New Zealand. (You know something is sane and rational when the only countries that allow it are the U.S. and New Zealand.) All other industrial nations make it illegal to advertise prescription drugs on tv and such for obvious reasons.
However, I always love commercials for prescription drugs, as they are some of the funniest. There is nothing funnier than talking about “E.D.” or constipation while being totally serious and trying very hard not to be funny. There was once a commercial for a laxative that showed a cartoon of people made out of plumbing who were walking around very uncomfortable and groining. I almost fell off the couch laughing when I saw it.
The obvious comedy goldmine, is of course Cialis and other prescriptions for “E.D.” The best part is the disclaimer at the end, I don’t know if you’ve ever stopped and listened to it.
“Some patients reported delayed back or muscle ache while taking Cialis…
seek immediate medical attention if you experience priapism, an erection lasting four or more hours…
and if you experience a sudden loss of vision, stop taking Cialis immediately.”
Now that I think about it, my mom would actually find that funnier than my aunt would.
Proof that evolution is bullshit
This guy convinced me that evolution is bullshit.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=2A4Y-1gsjv8He's had some pretty good follow-ups but only the above is required viewing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK8KncdDDwk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbwDUkpK0l4I like his theory that dinosaurs were called dragons. I suspect this guy is a troll. But I'll have faith that he's for real. I find that comforting.
Thanks Honey
Here's an interesting story.Now, I could go on and on about how electronic voting machines cannot even calculate 36 votes correctly, and then segue into diatribe electoral fraud. But I'll save that.
But here's the thing. Read the story closely and see if you notice something funny. Go ahead and read it. I'll put my observation in a comment so I don't give it away right away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rest in peace Alyssa Peterson.Rest in peace Malachi Ritscher.
Just Because It’s a Machine, Doesn’t Mean It’s Well-Oiled
OR
Big Brother isn’t Paying Attention
Well, my blogging pace has certainly picked up. A new entry before anyone has even noticed the last one. But this story is just too good.
Okay, so there’s an anti-war group called Answer. The Chicago chapter applied for a permit for a march on October 28th. The police rejected the permit and refused to have further communication with them. So Answer makes alternate plans for the day that don’t require permits.
What does the city do? They send hundreds of police in riot gear to location on out to where the march was supposed to take place!
In response to this non-trivial logistical mix-up, they were left with little choice but to blame Answer. They accused Answer of canceling the march that the police department canceled.
The ABC Channel 7 news played along with this charade. They interviewed someone from Answer who stated that they were denied a permit and then they showed the permit application in a context that made it appear that it was a city-issued permit.
So I don’t know what the city was trying to pull. They watch the anti-war movement closely and send undercover cops to protest planning meetings. This is all rather large waste of resources, but Daley and many of his most important cronies seem to have a very irrational attitude towards protesters. From what I gather, the city believed that there would be a secret protest and that Answer was able to covertly gather thousands of participants who were ready to march and get the jump on the city. The day of leafleting that they were promoting was really just a trick.
You know this makes me feel very good. You see I often worry that we are headed for a 1984-type society. I know the Chicago and New York police (and probably others) tape protests and keep the footage. I know the government is has a very extensive wire-tapping and data mining operation in effect. (The Total Information Awareness project that people were so scared of years ago has been not been terminated. It was just broken up into smaller pieces.) And they probably keep records on lil’ole me. This stuff all scares the bijous out of me.
But these events illustrate that our government simply is competent enough to utilize the information it gathers anyway. They are guided by bizarre perceptions of the anti-war movement and their right hand can’t even keep track of what their left hand is doing.
Imagine a boot attempting to kick a human over and over, but it keeps missing…
Join the Church of Joe!
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but I’ll make it worthwhile.
I'm going to give readers of my blog the oppurtunity to join my new religion, the Church of Joe.
Religion is a great business! And since I do have a monopoly on the truth, you'd be fool not to join my religion.
Whereas many religions demand 10% of your income, the Church of Joe only requires 9%! That’s why at the Church of Joe we say “Get your greater reward at a great price!”
There are many other reasons why my religion is clearly the best.
Allow me to run down the list.
Since I’m old school, I won’t name my competitors by name.
That’s gauche.
Some religions:
Require you to go to services early on Sunday morning, when you probably have a hangover.
In the Church of Joe:
You can come over to my apartment and worship whenever you feel like it.
Some religions:
Promise you 72 virgins when you die, if you follow a bunch of stupid-ass rules.
In the Church of Joe:
You get 72 women who fuck like porn stars when you die, if you give me 9% of your income.
Some religions:
Forbid drinking.
In the Church of Joe:
Drinking is allowed if you share your booze with me.
Some religions:
Expect you to believe because of faith.
In the Church of Joe:
Proof of my divinity is offered to select female worshippers.
Some religions:
The clergy fuck your children.
In the Church of Joe:
I fuck your wife.
Some religions:
Only allow abortions in the case that the mother’s life is in danger.
In the Church of Joe:
Abortion is only allowed in the case that the child will be raised by Christian fundamentalists.
Some religions:
Teach that non-adherents burn in hell forever.
In the Church of Joe:
Non-adherents burn in hell forever.
So What are you waiting for Join today!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, is there any difference between a cult and these "megachruches" we've been hearing so much about?
Various links
I'm too busy to write a good entry this week, but I want to keep this infant blog alive. So I'm just going to give you some links for cheap blog content. But I promise these are all really good links. Well they are in my highly biased opinion.
A friend sent this to me in email. It is absolutely hilarious:
What to do if a terrorist attacks.Wierd Al is still alive and creating some great music. Listen to
"Don't Download This Song" on his Myspace page. You can listen to his other songs too, I haven't had a chance to listen to them.
And of course, I have to give you
Hugo's speech! It's really awesome. You probably know that he calls Bush the devil. He wouldn't be Hugo if he didn't. But that's just part of the speech. The rest of it is also quite good, if not as entertaining. He raises many excellent points. (You need Realplayer to see it.)
I sure hope Venezula gets on the security council, so they can protect my country from its own stupidity. I'm really starting to think that after November, the U.S. is going to be losing three wars in the middle east.
If I'm going to do a lazy fucking link blog, I might as well give you four links. I really liked
Juan Cole's interview on Democracy Now! You can read the transcript, but I recommend downloading the audio.
That's all for now. I gotta pack up for my move. Interesting factoid: My apartment has
never been clean as long as I've lived here.
